murphy's law day

I often wonder to myself How did our March 13th public Holiday in Hatrack originate? Was it just an excuse to give winter weary Hatracks a day off winter commuting? Or was it to to commemorate the birth of Neil Sedaka, American singer and songwriter, who was born on March 13, 1939. And also, why was it called Murphy's Law Day?

It is not a well-known fact but it was actually invented to commemorate The birth of Russell Beakhouse, who as well as being well respected as a husband , father and landscaper to the Queen he also had the misfortune and bad luck to utter the words, That's Murphy's Law more times than any body else in the entire history of Hatrack.

The reason he held the record for utterances of that phrase were due in part because he had no clue how to use the phrase in its correct form. An example of that error was in the year 1962
when as a 2 year old he was playing with a pair of scissors and did himself an injury to his foreskin and subsequently became the first person in the Beakhouse family ever to be circumcised, uttering those famous words, " That's Murphy's Law Mummy!" Auuughhhh!!!!!

Then there was the time as a young boy in school Russ was asked by the kinder- garden teacher why he was putting a little girl's head in the toilet bowl of the boys bathroom, he replied ,
"That's Murphy's Law Miss Henderson!!!!"

Then a few years later as an adolescent trying to smuggle liquor into the school dance that had an off -duty police-officer checking bags for booze, pot and narcotics. Then just as his head was being forced to the gym floor Russ was heard to comment from beneath a heavy boot , " How did that get there officer? Why, Murphy's Law of course!!"

Another famous incident was when Russ was asked by the Minister during his wedding ceremony with Mindy the age old question , " Why do you have your pants on back - to - front? Russell?" " Murphy's Law Minister ? " replied Russell , sheepishly.

Scroll forward a few years to June 2nd , 1998 , his poor wife Mindy having endured 27 hours of excruciating labour pains , all by herself and then just as their daughter comes down the chute Russ arrives just in time to witness the birth of their daughter, Sarah. Mindy screams at him with all the strength she has left. the question, "Where were you Russell?" and Russ replies with a big stupid grin on his face , " Murphy's Law, Mindy!"

Then, finally, the Nova Scotia Legislature is trying to come up with an idea for a public holiday in winter, apart from Christmas or New Years to bring us up to par with the rest of the country. Russ happens to be doing the Premier's Lawn . Premier Darrell asks Russ why he hadn't put the rose -bush where it was supposed to have gone and Russ replies, " Murphy's Law Mr Premier!"

"That's it Russ !" said the Premier "That was pure genius ! We'll have a holiday called Murphy's Law Day. Hmm, when's your birthday Russ?" "March 13th, Premier Darrell", said Russ proudly ...

And that is how the public holiday known as Murphy's Law Day was invented and we have Russell to thank for it. And all Hatracks should be grateful to Russ for a public holiday falling on March 13th for all eternity.

bleeding hell

I always thought that the word bleeding is a mild swear-word in the UK but just a word meaning " to bleed, " pretty much every where else...

So, I thought it would be fun to use the word a lot in my book, maybe just to pepper up the language but also just for the fun , an

even more dangerous than a sling-shot

... so there I was sitting on a park bench on Cunard St trying to get my yack-tracks on. It was a little awkward getting them on but I thought it would be nice to have a little traction and, although it was February it was a mild day meaning the snow banks would be melting slightly leaving a crispy sheen on the sidewalks making it scenic to look at but easy to fall on your bum.

I always have trouble coordinating getting my left tracks on, maybe because I'm right handed I'm guessing because I have no trouble getting the right one on. So, I had the right one on no problems but the left one took 3 attempts and I was actually working up a sweat with the effort as it was like working out with tiny rubber chest- expander's. The third try I was successful but I looked at it expectantly as though it would fail. But it held so I resumed my walk. As my friend Kevin Shute at work said , " I was walking with a loaded spring of death attached to my boot!!! "

I was walking along quite fast , I wasn't in a hurry but I enjoyed the thrill of passing lesser- footed mortals in my wake. I was heading down quite a steep incline, known to Haligonian's as a steep hill!! Sure enough, I was rounding a bend, just as a bus was passing. The bus driver may have been slowing down as we were simultaneously passing a bus-stop. He saw I wasn't getting on his bus and started to pull away . To my right was a kid throwing snowballs just off the path
and he threw a snow-ball at the bus and he shot off a great shot that hit the window with a thump. The bus driver stopped to give the boy a lecture and for some reason, maybe my toe was tingling with anticipation but at that very moment my yack- tracks over-shoe shot off my left boot and like a sling- shot, my overshoe struck the rear window of the bus and shattered the glass with a tremendous crash.

I observed the look of horror on the boy's face with some glee I'm ashamed to say, and I kept walking past the bus without bothering to reclaim my over-shoe and hoped the red-faced bus driver also did not notice I only had one shoe-track on my feet instead of the usual two!!

The Book of Hatrack

I am going to be doing a big project over the next few months. I've been 'not ' writing a children's book on and off for about 20 years. I've decided to put on a determined effort to get this done. I had the idea I would post something very short on this blog stating, expect no posts for the next 6 months , working on the great Canadian novel. But then I thought why not incorporate this project into my blog .

So, I will start with an overall plan for what the book is in its entirety and then outlines for each chapter, along the way. And the occasional snippet or sample of the novel itself!

Steve

outline for The book of Hatrack

The book starts with a prologue, perhaps 5 chapters, laying out the origins of Hatrack. It starts in the 1600s. I chose that time period not so much because I had any great interest in the 17th Century but because that time period was the hayday of piracy. So long as pirate ships avoided fortified towns and didn't show their true colours until they were certain of victory then it's easy to understand why these were heady times for pirates. That's quite an easy way to make a living if you can pick your battles. It's no wonder why so many men (and some women) chose that type of life.

I've toyed with the idea of Nfld being Hatrack, as they have a long and famous history of piracy.

Also Haiti ( Hispaneol) is an obvious alternative. Hispaneol is already in the book. It would be hard to write about about piracy in the Caribean without mentioning it.

I get stuck on how to get to Hatrack as it's cut off from the modern world and can't spend their vast wealth in treasure. I , of course though of the standard pirate curse BUT that is such an over- used ploy I decided against it...

Hatrack is basically my version of Halifax NS the way I would imagine it to be in the 17th Century. Although it hadn't been founded yet ( that didn't happen until the 18th C ) there were ships of all kinds, all along the eastern seaboard, and although there were no docks in place it would be easy for a ship to dock in Halifax Harbour and row a ships crew ashore. So, its not a big stretch of the imagination to imagine pirates in Halifax at that time.

I was interested to learn that pirate ships were very democratic places . They didn't need to much of an excuse to kill someone but the world itself at that time was a very cruel place. There were terrible working conditions for most people and no such things as workers rights. So the lure of piracy would be very strong . Also, the pirates crew would split their booty ( no I don't mean bum) fairly amongst the crew according to rank or station, the captain of course getting the lions share. But even the lowliest crew member, whether he be a cook , musician or cabin boy would get a share far more attractive, comparable to what he'd earn as a cook , musician or cabin boy on a merchant ship or the Royal Navy.

My book deals with modern times but the pirates are stuck in the mythical island of Hatrack. They have hoards of money but have the frustraion of not being able to spend any of their ill -gotten gains because there is no way out! So, their society is what I would term a post- piratic society. They are no longer pirates of course because they have no ships but in some ways they have kept their pirate ways. School of course would be very scary because mis-behaviour would be rewarded. It would be a tough job being a teacher. This post-piratic society would be dangerous in all kinds of different ways. There would be no gentlemanly way of settling a score. Duels would be a very common occurence in Hatrack. Also, things like job- safety would be regarded as a very sissy practice so don't expect job safety in Hatrack!!!

I've given a lot of thought about what kind of vehicles they would have in Hatrack. Or would they be still stuck in horse age? I always liked the idea of golf-carts being the main mode of transport.

Maybe , while its impossible to squeeze into Hatrack a full sized car they do have success getting a golf cart.